IT'S BEEN A WHLE...WHERE TO START?

June 3, 2010

It has been some time since I decided to share more about the situation with my health. So many ask so politely when will you Jim write some more? First things first I wanted to thank all of you for your kind support and prayers.

Last November 2nd I wasn’t feeling well and went to the emergency room on Dr. V’s advice. Within a few hours or so I slipped into a coma for about fiftteen days. I had A complete renal and respiratory failure to all systems. I just can’t do it small time it has to be gigantic. This situation being so stressful on my body and just having a hip surgery left me unable to walk and in pain that was just unbearable. The frustration of not being able to walk was eating at me something ferocious. It’s now seven months later and I still can’t walk. The energy I have is spent training to walk but this task is now depleting my strength greatly, which is now causing me great concern.

I feel like a burden and a weight upon all who surround me and care for me. Like I said earlier the pain causes you to not feel or think properly. Not only that but increasing medication causes you to slip into a sleep in the middle of a conversation too.

Sometimes they wait and about a minute later I wake and the person I was chatting with just laughs never knowing what to say to me. Talk about an awkward moment. I guess it's just part of the whole experience of the cancer and where it is in my body. I feel like I’m in space waiting for what’s next.

My wife really has taken the brunt of the whole thing most. Her workload has really doubled and she is showing some signs of becoming worn out from all of it now. No one could have done better than her if handed the same burden. It is more than two years now we have been going through this mess.

When I’m in such pain it’s the hardest for all. She has a lot on her plate. I just do as much as I can for her. Thank God for strong Christian women.

To end this now on a high note here, so I don’t sound like all doom and gloom. I am extremely thankful for every day I’m still here to wake up being able to send Kyle off to school or see Jane my wife’s smile.

I don’t ever take a sunset for granted anymore. Who knows when it may be the last one here on earth? Life is so precious, and short so enjoy it, but most of all be thankful for all the loved ones God has put around you. The ones who care for you and enrich your life daily. Gearing up as a witness of the Lord, striving to be a Vertical Man.

Jim

IT’S TIME TO GET THINGS IN ORDER… STARTED TO BLOG AGAIN THANK YOU ALL FOR THIS NUDGE. HAVE IT UP SOON… http://jimparisi.blogspot.com/

PRAISE GOD, IT'S GOOD TO BE ALVE

PRAISE GOD, IT'S GOOD TO BE ALIVE... THANK YOU ALL FOR YOU PRAYERS AND SUPPORT.... IT WILL BE A FEW DAYS TILL I CAN GATHER ALL MY THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPANED. GOD BLESS YOU ALL... JIM

An appointment in time.

An Appointment In Time. It Seemed Very Interesting To Me That As Christians We All Claim We Don’t Fear Death But Welcome It As A Relief To This Life, And To Be In The Presence Of The Lord. As Most I Was Of The Same Opinion As Most In This Understanding. I Can Say For Many Years I Claimed Heaven And Was Fully Aware That Being In God’s Presence Is A Lot Better Then This Life.

That All Changed A Few Weeks Ago When The Doctors Basically Gave Me A Time Line For An End Of My Life Here On This Small Sphere Called Earth. At First It Shook Me A Bit But I Never Had Much Faith In Man, Or His Word On Things That Only God Can Control. What It Did Do Is Kick In The Human Will To Survive. For One Reason My Wife Jane And Son Kyle. You Start To Say What Can I Do And Basically What Should I Have Done. Again Not Really Changing Much I Proceeded With My Life And Still Ministered Either In A Capacity Like Before Or From A Hospital Bed. Knowing At One Point Of Time That You Probably Might Not Be Here Doesn’t Give You A Pass To Feel Sorry For Yourself Or Stop Your Ministry.

So They Say I Had A Problem In My Leg And Needed An Operation To Fix It Before I Started The Cancer Treatments. So Here I Go Into The Hospital And Thru Five Hours Of Surgery And Recovery Again. The Lord Is Funny How He Confounds The Wise. From The Pathology Reports It Seems I Was Walking Around Some Time With My Leg Broken In Two Places. I Never Knew Or Really Suffered Any Pain Till A Week Before The Surgery. The Doc Tells Me Last Week That This Kidney Cancer Is Rare And In Only About 400 People In This Country And Mine Is A Different Type Not Seen Before Basically And Bla Bla Bla I’m Hearing.

I Realize That My Life Is In The Lord’s Hand And For His Glory. So I Will Be Healed. I Can’t Believe After Ministering To Thousands And Laying Hands On Them And Seeing Them Healed, God Wouldn’t Heal Me Also. But If Not It Was My Appointed Time And My Work Here Is Done And I Go To A Better Place. It Was Going To Happen Sometime Anyway, No One Ever Cheated Death But By Gods Will.

I’ll Try And Blog More When I Have Something To Say. I Just Glad To See The Doc Scratch Their Head In Wonder How Could It Be. Praise Him For His Mercy Endures Forever… Jim

GREETINGS..

GREETINGS.... Sorry I haven't made any additions. I am re-thinking a few points about the blog and I wouldn't want to put up words as filler... Thanks Jim

A Man With A Due Date...

I Have Come To A Place Where A Man’s Faith Is Tested Like No Other. I Always Thought I Was A Spiritual Man And A Man Of Great Faith. But Once Again The Lord Sees To Test Me Further Then Ever Before. All The Years Walking With The Lord I Have Become Secure With My Place In The Afterlife. A Place In Eternity Where I Shall Be With My God. I Really Never Understood How A Man Would Feel In His Last Days Because For One I It Was Never My Time Too. I Had To Come To The Realization That There Is Conclusiveness To This Life And For Me It May Come Soon. Ok Not That I’m Not A Man Of Faith And God Heals… Let’s Not Go There. A Place Where This Really Could Be The Final Chapter Of My Life And How Will I Handle These Days Ahead.

People Around Me Seem More Concerned Then My Self In This Area. I Have Come To The Conclusion If For Some Reason God Chooses Not To Heal Me And Take Me Well… AMEN. I Really Have Little Say And As A Solider In The Lord Army I Do As What’s Asked Of Me And Go Forward. . Could You Imagine The Ciaos In The Heat Of A Battle Where The Men Serving Under The General Refuse To Obey A Direct Order To Push Forward? Even Knowing They May Be Slain. I Can’t Even Conceive How Some Of The Martyrs Of Old Felt Or Paul In The Prison Singing Unto The Lord Feeling He Was Going To Die In There In This Pit. On Top Of It His Legs Broken And All The Pain That Went With It. What Faith Did This Great Man Have? How About Daniel In The Lions Den, Or Even David Taking On The Giant. The Bible Is Filled With These Heroic Souls. Not To Mention The Countless Others Never Put To Pen.

You As A Human We Know This That You Are Born And You Die. The Rest Is Your Personal Experience And Life’s Journey. I Can Say I Never Fear Death And How Secure I Am Where I Go After Till That One Last Day. It’s The Day That Changes You Form A Man Of Innocents To A Man With A Due Date. I Know No One Knows What Hour Or Day. Knowing The End Is Someday Is A Very Different Perspective Then Than A Man Who Has His Days Numbered. Just Hearing This Could Send You Deep Into A Depression Like No Other If You Don’t Have Christ. The Bravest Man Or Richest Ones Can’t Stop This Clock And No Matter How Bold You Are Till That Last Report: “Jim You Have This Amount Of Months” Innocents Prevails. And I Know Many Will Deny This Understanding But No One But A Man In This Position Can Speak As An Authority. You Can’t Say My Father Did And I Was There And I Can Speak Like I Have That Experience. Till That Faithful Day My Lord Are We Sheltered.

I Sat There A Minute After The Report And Thought Wow I’m So Young. I Have Just Started On This Journey Of Life. For The First Time Really Happy With My Self And My Family And Son Of Five. I Can Clearly Remember A Young Man With Cancer In His Last Days Years Ago. He Was 21 And I Would Say At His Last Hour. The Nurse During His Treatments Asked What He Wanted For His Twenty First Birthday Two Days A Way. He Answered Boldly “ I Want To Live To Be Twenty One”. He Said. He Could Live Without Never Driving A Car. Having A Long Relationship With Another Of The Opposite Sex And Raising A Family. He Only Wanted To Turn 21 To Show He Could And Feel What It Was Like To Be An Adult.

I Felt For Him But Couldn’t Ever Imagine What He Was Feeling. I Would Have Robbed Him Of His Self-Respect If I So Had Lessening His Desire. Now I Feel What He Feels Somewhat. I’m Glad I Was There To See Him That Day, Because He Never Made 21 He Died A Day Early. Who Knows Gods Mind But This I Know It Is Far Greater Then Mine…Jim

Are You Going To Slither On Your Belly And Beg For Your Life?

I Notice Today How The Enemy Will Never Cease When You’re About Your Heavenly Fathers Business. It Amazes Me The Foolishness Of This Demon To Try And Trick Or Foul You With The Same Thing Time And Time Again. I Went To The New Surgeons Today For A Consultation About My Hip. It Seems That I Need To Do The Hip First And Then Start The Treatments. The Medication Once Started Will Cause A Problem If I Happen To Damage The Hip In Its Weakened State. There Is A Factor In The Medicine That Will Slow The Healing Process To Crawl. Thus The Hip Would Take Months To Heal And The Pain Would Be As They Say Unbearable.

So Now Its Three Weeks And We Haven’t Moved Square One. Is This Gods Timing? I Go To The Doctor And He Is Called In A Surgery For 4 Hours. I Sit And Wait And Wait And The Enemy Is Whispering In My Ear... Balh Blah Blah. After Weeks Of Waiting The Surgeon Walks In And Within 5 Minutes He’s Gone. Well After Waiting Weeks And Then Hours In The Exam Room Some May Have Exploded And Stormed Out.

I Have Had 25 Years Plus Of Ministry Which Called For The Most Extreme Patience. The Enemy If He Got To Me Would Have Tricked Me To Storm Away And Loose This Opportunity To Have Another Surgeon Work On Me Who Is The Best In His Field For Hundreds Of Miles. I Sat And Thought With The Mind Of Christ And Realized The Surgeon’s Office Was Empty And He Traveled From The Hospital To Me Between Surgery’s To Secure Me Inside And Meet Him Personally Which Was Extremely Important To Me.

My Point Is That God Will Never Give You Second Best But His Best May Not Come When You Think It Should, But When He Plans It To Happen. So Many Times In Our Lives We Jump The Gun To Say And Settle For Second Best. If We Just Took The Time To Think It Through With A Christ Like Nature And With God’s Wisdom You Will See It Clear As God Wants You To.

Here Is Just Anther Place In The Day Of A One Man To Have Gods Testimony Put In A Visible Place To Make The Unsaved Mans Mind Ponder. It Is A Blessing And An Honor To Be Used Of God No Matter What The Situation Is Or Where It Leads You. If You Are Truly A Vertical Man Then God Will Test You Continually To Strengthen Your Faith For His Use And To See Your Will Die. Remember A Vertical Man Is A Dead Man, Who Has Nothing To Loose. Only God Can Use The Bones Of A Dead Man To Profound The Wise Like In Ezekiel 37. Thou I May Be Torn And Tattered. My Spirit Wounded In Battle. My Flesh Cleaved From My Body In Battle. I The Walking Dead Fear Nothing For The Lord Is With Me. It’s Not Hard To Walk Upright As A Vertical Man It’s A Far Better Cry Then To Slither On Your Belly And Beg For Your Life, Which In The End Has No Worth To The Enemy. Your Only Worth Is Who You Serve And How You Serve Him In His Army… Of The Lord Jesus Christ.

JIM

PIC OF MY 2 FAV PEEPS

SO MANY OF YOU HAVE ASKED SO I DECIDEC TO DO IT.

HERE IS A PICTURE OF WIFE JANE AND KYLE...

I really needed A distraction

It’s been a few days since I wrote on the blog and so much has happened. First was Sunday we had the O’Brian’s over and had a wonderful day of fellowship with them. Sometimes you just have to forget what is going on in your life and enjoy your family and friends. After hours which seemed minutes we had to part. No one wanted to go but time waits for no man. I really needed the distraction for all this medication and procedures.

I was scheduled Monday morning to see the new surgeon to put the pin in my hip. I was thinking the last few days I can get through this with out that pin and all that goes with it. Problems like a few weeks of pain and a week in the hospital. I then had such a hard night Sunday that Monday I was glad to get it over with. My appointment was at 10:45 Am and my phone rings at 9 am it’s the doctor's nurse and he will not make our meeting, he is still in surgery. I was disappointed that we are waiting again a few days but I’m ok with it.


I have had more pain then usual but last night was just hard. I woke up so out of it I couldn’t even drive Jane to work. Kyle was happy he went back to sleep grumbling why did we even wake him up… he comes up with some wild phrases some days. I just laugh. He defiantly isn’t a morning man. Two pm is about his speed to get going.

I can’t believe the summer went so fast. He goes back to school in a week or two. Kyle is growing so fast he enters kindergarten this year he turned five in Jan. My. I can’t believe he’s five and a half already. I can remember the day he was born like yesterday.

So life and this process go on. I need to stay focused and strong, get sleet and get through this. I’m so blessed D and Den are so close. It made home seem so much closer now. I want to thank every one of you who have been praying for me it is truly appreciated. Thurs is the next meeting with the new surgeon. My hope is optimistic…..

Jim

OH WHAT A DAY

Oh Lord Give Me Strength. I Was Blown Away By The Minister Who Was Rebuked That He Took Such A Low Posture In Answer To It. I Just Don’t Understand Men Who Refuse To See The Harm They Do To Others… Well This Brother Is In God’s Hands Now.

On To Better Things FaceBook Is Becoming Quite A Challenge In The Respect Trying To Keep It Fresh And Current. I’m Getting It Down… Maneuvering Is Much Easier For Me Now. I Was Reading A Friends Page And Realized How We Never Give Credit To Those Who Deserve It. We Are Fast To Correct And Teach But Praise Is Now In Order…

Give Honor Where Honor Is Due. Our Bishop Was Due This For His Many Years Of Faithful Service And Commitment To The Work. So A Few Posts Were Made And Now There Is A Buzz Of Short Stories And Thanks For This Man. As A Vertical Man You Learn That Up Right Is So Much Easier Then To Hunch Or Fall. Vertical Is A Position Of Openness To All.


A Vertical Man Stands Tall In The Face Of The Enemy And Takes On All The Issues Sent For His Care. He Is A Man Of Valor And Much Love. That’s Why I Would Say Our Bishop Anthony Donofrio Is A True Vertical Man…


It’s Funny How Such A Sad Morning Has Turned Into A Day Of Such Corporate Celebration. And To Top It All Our Friends Here In Calif Are Expecting A Grand Child. The Kingdom Goes On Halleluiah

LORD LET THEM HAVE EARS TO HEAR...

I Am Physically Ill From Tonight Because For The First Time In My Ministry Of Almost 30 Years I Had To Publicly Correct Another Minister For His Verbal Abuse To Others. Here Is The Part I Will Post Not Personal To This Person… Jim

Always Be Prudent In Your Expression Of Words And Careful Not To Bruise The Heart Of Another… I Had To Post This Because I Had To After Much Prayer And With Good Council Rebuke A Minister Publicly. This Only After A Public Attack On Myself But More About Protecting His Wife Which He Put In Such A Poor Light And Publicly Mocked Her In The Same Post. I Was Forced To Correct This Minister After Advising Him In Private No Less Then A Week Before For Personally Attacking Another Minister… I Am Very Transparent In My Life And Ministry After Many Attempts To Help Him Failed. I Hope Godly Women Will Express Themselves To This Man How Verbal Abuse Is No Less Hurtful Then Physical Abuse.. Enough Said …Jim

My God Help Us All ... How Did We Get To The Point That We Think Verblal Mocking Is Not Abuse... Verbal Abuse Is No Less Hurtful Then Physical Abuse. At Times Worse It's A Silent Wound Of The Mind And Heart That May Never Heal...Jim


I Would Like To Be The First To Express A Concious Effort… To Be More Prudent In My Words To Others… And Weigh Each Word On How It May Effect Another… My God Forgive Me If My Foolishwords Has Ever Hurt Another… Jim

I'M AN ODD DUCK ....

I Was Thinking To Day And Started To Express My Journey From New York To Los Angeles.
I Really Don’t Fit In Well Here. Don’t Get Me Wrong But To Most Here In L.A. I’m A Very Strange Duck. I Always Felt Peculiar To Most. I Never Was Comfortable With Myself And I Always Felt Like An Odd Thinker. It Started To Ease As I Got Saved And Stared To Cut My Way Into The Word Of God. I Started To Realize I Wasn’t The Only One Who Thought This Way.

Ok I Get Saved I Feel Better And After A Few Months I Start To Grow In The Spirit And God Once Again Separates Me For The Normal Understandings. I Have Had The Most Excellent Training Of Any Apprentice Program With My Bishop Who Took Me In His Home At A Young Man. I Was Really Pressed And Stretched To The Max. And For Anyone Who Knows Me I Truly Excel In Areas Of Stress And Pressure. While Other May Be Losing Their Heads I’m Like Doing My Thing Getting It Done. The Greater The Challenge The Greater The High I Get Out Of The Task.

I Always Felt A Little Off Balance Till About 45 When Kyle Came Along. My 5 Year Old Kyle Tests Me At Every Option And Has Made Me Pray Harder Then Ever Before For Anyone. He Can Press My Buttons And I Have To Just Grit My Teeth And Smile. But He Really Completed Me As My Life To Come Full Circle. My Wife Jane Who Is An Incredible Person In He Own Right Is Amazed By How Close Our Relationship Is Kyle’s And Mine.

The Thing I Fear The Most With This Cancer Type Because Its So Aggressive… And If The Lord Decides To Call Me Home How Will Kyle Accept It And Respond. I’m A Little Upset About This Only Because I Want To Be There For Him As He Grows. To Guide And Advise Him In And Thru His Life. I Lost My Father To Cancer At 14 And I Know How Hard It Is To Be Without A Man In Your Life Who Loves You Un-Conditionally Enough Said About That By Now

My Doctor Has Been On Vacation For The Last Week. So I Am At A Stall With The Next Operation And Then The Process Of The Medication To Help Slow It Down. To Me Every Day Is Precious And 2 Weeks Is Just Too Valuable To Loose For Summer Vacations For Me. It’s My Opinion Because Of My Situation. It Like A Death Happens To A Close Relative. Your World Stops For A Week Or So. .But All Theirs Goes On Status-Quos. It Amazes Me How This Happens That We Are So Inter Twined As People But So Separate As Individuals… Jim

Be Happy In Your Well Doing...

Sometimes When You Feel God Is Just Done Using You Because Of Your Situation, You Wake Up And God Turns Your Whole Ministry Upside Down From What You Thought It Should Be To His Will And What He Wants It To Be. Always Praise Him For Using You For The Kingdom With No Concern Where You May Be Placed…. Jim

I STAND AND FIGHT...

For The Last Few Days There Was A Discussion On This Scripture.

Mat 11:12 And From The Days Of John The Baptist Until Now The Kingdom Of Heaven Suffereth Violence, And The Violent Take It By Force.

The First Word “Violence” In The Greek Means Turbulence In The Spirit, Or The Heavens. It’s Not A Natural Plane. The Battle Is Not Horizontal Or Earthly.

The Second Word “Violent” In The Greek Can Be Translated As Ardent Or Zeal. The Men Who Serve God Are Warriors Or Soldiers In His Army. They Have Been Separated And Called Out From The Womb. This Is A Violent Behavior In Them To Serve God Is Such A Way It Creates A “Zealous Passion” In Them To Do His Will.

I Started Years Ago In Writing And Preaching All Over On The “Vertical Man” And The Life He Lives. I Realized When Saved I Was Called To Do Battle On A Daily Basis. A Vertical Understanding Is On The Whole About A Surrendered Soul In Continual Praise And Worship To His God. Thus The Posture Of His Hands Lifted High And His Mouth Open Sing Of How Magnificent His God Is.

I Have Had A Few Nights Pain And One Night I Refused To Take The Pills For It. I Choose To Ride It Out And Just Pray Thru It. I’m Not Going To Say The Least It Was Not An Easy Night But I Entered A Place In The Spirit I Have Never Been Before….

I Am A Vertical Man I Stand And Am At The Service Of My Lord Jesus Christ. No Matter What Is In My Path The Enemy My Throw At Me I Destroy. The Last Few Days Were To Rest. To Think And Complicate Of The Days Ahead. I Am A Blessed Man That My Family Loves Me And Accepts Me For Who I Am, And My Friends Are Just Great In Their Support. Thank You All…Jim

Sometimes You Can Feel So Alone.

Sometimes you can feel so alone. Ever since the first time I was told about this witch I have felt so alone inside. I think looking into night is when it gets to be the worst. As a person I am a very social being. I enjoy the company of others and the interaction of Godly thoughts. But ever since people around me found out I had cancer people slowly have moved on. Here in L.A. people are so different then NY. I know that life goes on and people go their way. It still doesn’t change the fact that most relationships are more superficial here in L,A, because so many here are so transient.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my alone time too. I realize if I was to live in this conviction I would be called to be set apart. Most people like when you’re on their level or less when they fellowship with you. But start to profess your faith or even worse show them your consecration to God they will flee and run for their lives. The Vertical Man has no choices. He is a being who has given his life and has no ownership to it anymore. He cannot fellowship with evil and he becomes more and more set apart as he becomes more Christ like.

I remember when we first started bible study in my home I was teaching on the book of Romans. All was well till the people started to be pressed in their convictions from hearing the word. I would say don’t attack me I didn’t write the book I’m just the messenger. And even when we started the first church how people turned when gently pressed to raise a standard in their lives. Attracts and backbiting were the order of the day. Try it, bring you gifts that God has put in you to light and watch how some will run and hide.

The word exposes the sin and what falls short in your life. My point is you can not be moved because others will not give their life to the Lord and appease them. Think like a Vertical Man and look into their eyes and see where they will be after death if they don’t accept their savior. That to me is a greater fear to know that for all eternity they will be separated for God.

Even though I am in LA for 12 years almost, I still feel so alone here. I am a traveler who has to cross this desert, so parched that any water of the Spirit is sucked into its crevasses once it meets this barren land of spiritual death and compromise. Neil diamond has sung a song which for me says it all here. I’m that N.Y.C. man in L.A. all alone I came from a place of a flood in the Spirit to here in LA a vast dust bowl of humanities pain and sorrow… JIM

I AM... I SAID Written by Neil Diamond

L.A.'s fine, the sun shines most the time And the feeling is 'lay back'

Palm trees grow, and rents are low But you know I keep thinkin' aboutMaking my way back

Well I'm New York City born and raised But nowadays, I'm lost between two shores

L.A.'s fine, but it ain't home New York's home, but it ain't mine no more

"I am," I said To no one there An no one heard at all Not even the chair" I am," I cried"

I am," said I And I am lost, and I can't even say why

Leavin' me lonely still
1971 Prophet Music, Inc. (ASCAP)

OLD AGE IS A CRUEL JOKE.

Old age is a cruel joke. It creeps up on you. Your brain says you're 18 and your body says you're 102 yrs old. And you’re really only 40. Everyone has aches and pains as they get older. It must be a right of passage to complain about them… LOL With all the clicking a clanking I do I wonder how it all holds together. As you get older you body decreases and your spirit increases. A maturity in body means you’re going to be able to do less and in the spirit maturity means you’ll see and do so much more.

I’m learning that with this situation I have to maintain my strength in the natural as well as the Spirit. I don’t know what will be tomorrow or even at this point is there a tomorrow. The only thing I know that no man holds his own life in his hands only God knows the day and time when this all ends.

I’m ready for anything I guess at this point but I just do want to wane, one whose life is prolonged and becomes a burden on the ones he loves around him. I live through this with my father and others and you get to feel so useless as a person at one point. I just ask God when its time its time and I’ll make my way to the unknown. Just don’t let me be a burden on others.

I’m trying to prepare all I can now so nothing is left undone on that day. It is inevitable that that day will come so why not be ready? To some it seems morbid but to someone like me who never wanted a sugar coated life it fits me well. I’m kind of in a limbo with the operation and the rest, everyone is away on vacation and I have to wait for them to return. In a way it is good for me to have a time to think and rest. Everyday is a blessing and I am learning more through it… JIM

As Transparent as Glass Aug 12, 2009

I said I would be open, honest and transparent so here’s the situation. I had to take a night off and think of where am I going, and what to do. It seems that about only 400 people a year get this Witch. Only 40 people have ever been studied. And yes It’s OK to be part of the study for others. No one knows much about it but that it’s a fast mover. The wizards have grouped and the opinion is to send me into the hospital do a procedure to strengthen the bone in my leg that this witch has been feasting on. I don’t mind it so much but it slows the process down another six weeks and the rehab is the worst. Last time after the kidney it took a whole month in the hospital which almost drove me crazy. Then two other visits for a week each for complications they didn’t really tell me about would happen

I’m not the kind of man to hide anything from especially when it pertains to my health now. I would rather know. I didn’t know how humiliating it was to even be in a hospital. I was never sick or there except of a few stitches twenty years ago. Now it seems between all this and the wizard appointments it’s my second home. This is just another intrusion the enemy is throwing at me to derail the work I have to do for God.

I start to get this great revelation on the Vertical Man, go out and start to preach on it. Get a book idea and try maybe for a publisher too. Then just as the hands hit high noon, the enemy comes out for a gunfight to the death. I’m not complaining I have been here before with him. Battled for every inch of holy ground we obtained. Because once we gain the ground it’s dedicated to the Lord.

One night after opening up the first phase of the new church I woke up in my living room about 3 AM with a strange fellow on the couch next to me. I knew him by the spirit. You always know your advisory. I read about preachers having this punk visit in the night. Most of the time just when they achieved a great service alter call or dedicated a church. I always wondered what I would do in this situation. I found out it was the same as them... I look over said “oh it’s you… I’m too tired for your nonsense go away” and he left.

My point is as the Vertical Man is always prepared for battle no matter what level. Believe or not, this isn’t the worst I have had to do battle over. Maybe another day I will go into that. Again it’s being strong and looking up for strength, protection and wisdom. And always remember He will never give you more then you can be victorious in….not too bad now is it with that in mind???……Jim

MEET THE VERTICAL MAN

THE Vertical Man Stands with His Arms Wide Open in Deep Admiration of His God’s Greatness. He Prays Standing And Ever Reaching His Arms For His God Strength To Battle Another Day. He Stands In Humility That Such A Magnificent God Could Love Him So.

I HEAR THE CRY OF BATTLE AUG. 10 2009

It’s never been of popular opinion or fashionable to stand at attention and serve in Gods Army, but much more the contradictory. It has become the world’s greatest sacrifice for any person to have to give their life to enlist in His service. The retirement benefits are eternal but the road to your rest is full with battles and sacrifice. The small times of joy and fellowship like the birth of a child or the smiles of the one you love are sometime far and numbered.

Don’t get me wrong I enjoy all the blessings and are most thankful for each and ever one of them. The point I’m trying to make is that some times as a solider you feel alone, wet and cold. You start to feel that the others are not being called to the same objective you are. It’s interesting how a specialist is created in a man. It’s an Interesting term “The Special Forces for God”. One set apart and called out by His will not a man’s. As we look to our example of Jesus Christ the greatest leader of all.

As the Vertical Man you will be called forth by the situations of the day to do battle under His flag. You may be beaten, whipped or imprisoned. You may even die and in this battle in full armor with your standard in hand al most life less saying, No I’m not ready to give up and die just yet.

A solider doesn’t ask what or why. He just girds up and stands fast till he is ready for the call to engage. He never knows if he may be sacrificed for so many more or just slain in battle. But he has the assuredly of his leaders that he will not be sent to his death in vain.

The Vertical Man can take any punishment the enemy throws at him. He is well prepared and girded up for battle for as he is strong and at the ready. His eyes are keen and his sword sharpened with the steels of the heavens. His training comes forth form the mind and heart of God. Who would be so foolish to take on the Vertical Man as his foe?

Why Fight? Day 11

Serving God as a seasoned soldier in His Army you would have no other choice in this life but to maintain a Vertical Position. When you fight battles on this level in these days your choices are to stand n fight or be taken captive. I never looked good in shackles.

I WILL NOT GO QUIET INTO THE NIGHT!!! DAY 10

Today it started to hit me that sometimes you can chase after something and never grasp it in your hands. A funny thing about the horizon is you would think at one point if you faced it, and started to walk towards it, at one point you would reach its edge and the journey would be over. As most things in life it’s an illusion of our senses and the faster you approach it the faster it alludes you.

I can’t even imagine the bravery of the men who first set sail in their wooded sailing vessels setting course for the new world. The opinion of the day was the earth was flat and the other side of the horizon was the edge of the world where if you past this line of defining you would fall off the earth in too the vastness of the heavens.

What did Columbus and others feel looking at this line ahead in the night and wondering “what if I’m wrong”? I’m sure in the fog and night it would mostly plague fear upon the hearts of these brave souls. Thank God these men were imparted with a greater vision then the one of the day.

I kind of feel the same way with the cancer in my body. They gave me a time line not unlike a horizon given to the men of old. This line has no real basis of truth except observation. Only God has the power to say this journey is over. So what I am seeking and believing is there is something so new and wonderful past that horizon they set for me. If I believe their opinions as gospel truth the end seems very near and grim. So once again my “Vertical Man” Kicks in stands firm in his beliefs and looks towards the heavens for his guidance and inspirations.

I will not go quiet and dossal like a lamb into the night as it could be said, but go as a soldier ablaze in Gods Army. Bring Strong in faith, proud of my calling and ever ready with His guidance and preparation for the battles ahead. For if it is just me and the Lord on this field of battle who can come against us…No devil in hell is safe from a Dead Man a blaze with the fire of God because he has nothing to loose. Lord can these bones live? Only you know Lord…. Not my will but thy will be done….

I Hate that Word... Day 9

Sometimes you just don’t want to hear it. I was on the phone today with some of the Docs and it came to the point that Jane and I were on the phone with Dr. V. I guess they are concerned about pain management for me. I understand now about it and agreed I need to be comfortable and not so stressed. I’m starting to feel a level of pain I have never experienced before.

Towards the end of our conversation the question was raised about what stage is the witch in now. It seems when Cancer returns it's Stage 4. It seems the word equated with it is terminal and when Jane heard this I saw her heart drop. I been around cancer and death most of my life and I have accepted this is my road to travel.

So now it’s all in the open all the words that describe this situation. So with time so precious … I’m taking the night off to watch a movie with Kyle…LOL I dread the day I have to have the talk with Kyle about my preparing to die. Lord please give him strength when he can’t touch his Poppa he’ll know Poppa will live in his heart.

Enough Blog for today it’s time to rest. My Vertiacal Man is now kicking into high gear. Lord please show me Mercy and give me extra Grace in this one. I know too much about what's ahead.

WHAT'S GOING ON NOW??? DAY 8

I got up early to shower and get ready to see the new Wizard. Jane my wife and I got into the car and headed out. My destination was the City of Hope in Ca. Thankful this institution is so close and that one of the top creditable Hospitals for Cancer Research is so close just about forty five minutes away. The one thing I was dreading was to go back to an Oncology Department in any hospital.

The O Dept. in any hospital is such a depressing place. Cancer knows no lines of color, race or gender. It robs the lives of so many and causes such pain to not only the patient but the loved ones in their lives. I remember now vividly how my dad was and now know how he must of felt. What I disliked most is with chemotherapy and radiation therapy you have to go to this place of such sadness regularly. Enough about this…

I saw the Doc who is young but very knowledgeable and kind to say the least. Dr. P I liked immediately and He explained my options and expressed because of the situation with my leg surgery is needed first. Well I wasn’t ready for this to say the least. One thing I dreaded was the chemo and radiation which in my kind of cancer isn’t used …thank God. I will take a pill and not have to travel to the hospital every day which I am so grateful for.

So what did God do toady?... He gave me a pass on the chemo and he wants my leg fixed which to me sounds like he may need me around for a wile even if they experts say I have at most 2 good years to live. So with my nihilistic faith I know the Lords in control and no man knows the day. So again my faith as the Vertical Man is strengthened and even in my greatest fears God made my path easier and showed me his Mercy

FEAR OF TOMORROW... DAY 7

This is where my faith of being a vertical man is put to the test. I can be a horizontal thinker looking at mans point of view and counting my days till they hang crepe for me. Or look above my situation and become the vertical man I am called to be putting my fate in the Maker’s hands and living each day to the fullest like it was my last.

I can’t say I had a good day today. I was hiding but had to take and make calls. I was dreading tomorrow’s appointment because it was now so real and it was me who has this witch in me again. I was thinking my Oh God wasn’t last year enough for any man and what lesson now Lord are you trying to teach me. I feel like Job and the pain is getting worse. OMG I didn’t have medication for so long right after the surgery last year and I managed what is this now going on?

I am grateful my Dr. V called and is she ready with a pain management program for me. I can take extreme amounts of pain but this is none like I have ever experienced. She explained it’s the cancer in the bones that is making this pain so severe. What did the poor souls do before they engineered these medicines?

My new Doc from the hospital called today, Dr. P seems a kind and caring man. Once again my surgeon Dr. K was right on this call. Dr. P talked highly of Dr. K once again his reputation precedes him. I am so thankful these doctors are caring for me I truly feel I have the best of this worlds talent and humanity. I called NY and asked the Bish for prayer. I think I need to cover all bases in both realms. I am truly being pressed by God and can see how it’s a blessing to be a “Vertical Man.

UNUSUAL DAY ... DAY 6

Today was a very unusual day. New lines are now drawn in the sand, with a new Wizard to go see this week Wednesday at a new hospital far enough away I feel it alien already. I am not sure of what I feel about this. I’m used to my area hospital and my wizards and their angels of mercy. I’m preparing for battle. I started out today feeling normal. Then I start to think about my dad and how he went through this at a younger age.
Believe me it’s no so much the fear of dying because I know where I’m going as the ache in my heart when I look at my five year old. I understand how my dad felt with me when he went through this ordeal himself.
My wife is a good and strong woman so I don’t worry as much that she wouldn’t survive without me. My concern is my boy because having not had a dad or a man to grow up with caused many situations of harder learning then it would have been with his daily council.
Kyle my 5 year old is growing so quick and is so smart. I know with his support group he will fare well. My concern is his heart and if he becomes angry like I did with God and how he reacts. He is as close or if not closer with me as I was with my dad at his age. My prayers are always Lord protects him and I fight even harder to make it through this ordeal to be with him and help raise him to be an honorable man and a Godly Man.

WHO IS THIS WICKED WITCH AND THE WIZARDS??? ...

I Kind Of Related To My Grandson Who At The Time Last Year Was Four Relating This Battle With Kidney Cancer In Relation To The Story Of The Wizard Of Oz. Cancer Is The Wicked Witch. The Wizards Are My Incredible Doctors. And Many Other Bit Players Like The Angels Of Mercy The Nurses. Only Difference Is Jim Is The Key Player And Is Fighting Not To Go Home (Heaven)… So I Don't Seem So Crazy I Thought To Explain....

CANCER MAKES A STRANGE BEDFELLOW

CANCER MAKES A STRANGE BEDFELLOW…. Through the day I had a chance to think about many things in my life. How will I be seen in the end? I know it may be a little premature for this thought but after the operation last year with Kidney Cancer I learned not to wait on tomorrow. After speaking to a few friends today I feel better and am in better spirits. The first time mostly it was the fear of the unknown. Now the second time around it’s more like the fear of knowing what’s ahead. I am thankful for those around me who care for me. Jim

My Cancer Has Returned ...

I Am A Cancer Survivor Whose Cancer Has Returned. In Oct. Of 2008 I Had A Full Left Radical Nephrectomy. In July Of 2009 I Was Made Aware The Cancer Has Returned And Is In Three Different Places In My Body. I Am Doing This Blog As A Way To Help Others In The Same Situation. Here Is My Daily Story In This Diary.